To Be or Not to Be ... a Writer?*

* For future-reference, these blog entries with starred* titles are for assignments for class. :-)

If you've been keeping up with me thus far, first of all, God bless you! But secondly, you may remember one of the first things I mentioned in my initial post: how scared I was to start doing this (but also excited). As I read from my textbook for one of my school classes tonight, I began to think about this fear and anxiety I had/have (I haven't decided if it's gone away yet. Maybe by the end of this post, you and I both will know!). Why did I think I would be a bad writer? What made me believe what I would write might even be good? How will people's reactions to my writing determine my identity as a writer?

So I may not have all the answers to these questions, but they at least helped me think of something to write about! Enter this story:

When I was still a journalism major, I decided to take anthropology as one of my electives. I have never struggled so much with a class in my life. Literally, it was the most difficult class of my life - too many dates, scientific names and other things that I happen to be extremely bad at. So after a not-so-perfect test score on the first exam in the class (okay, it was a B, but I had worked my butt off for two weeks studying for that exam, plus I read some of the professor's critiques of my answers and thought I had actually fulfilled some of the suggestions within my answer), I asked to meet my teacher during his office hours to talk about it.

I promise this is not going to be all about my anthropology class. Please bear with me ...

To cut this story slightly short(er), the one thing I really remember about that meeting - and that class for that matter - was something my professor remarked after hearing I was a journalism major.

"I had a friend who was a writer. He told me that his advice for anyone who writes was to write everyday. You should keep a journal and write something each day. It doesn't have to be important or anything, just good practice."

This seemingly off-hand comment actually stuck in my head and I started journaling later that week. Unfortunately, as with many of my off-chance commitments, this did not last long, and it definitely hasn't lasted me through my journey towards becoming a teacher. I thought writing was for writers, not teachers. And yes, teachers can write, and many of them do. But it wasn't a necessity.

I believe perhaps two of the things that have kept me from writing consistently include (1) my uncomprimising certainty of ultimate failure with no room for growth and (2) how writing has been presented in my life, particularly in my schooling.

I'll start with the first.

Cynthia Rylant said in a 1990 article that "not everyone can be a writer." For a long time, I believed her. It's not that I don't necessarily enjoy writing or that I can't put together a decent paper; it is that I felt as though I had nothing important to say or impart, and I certainly had no way of figuring out how to voice such opinions even if they did exist. I lived under the impression that writing is something that I did when necessary and although I was successful at it, I had no reason to bring it into my "outside" life.

Which brings me to my second point. (That would make sequential sense, right?)

In school, I never remember doing writing workshop. And when I started reading my textbook a couple of days ago, I maintained the idea that writing workshops were nice, but not necessary. Yes, it would be great, but are we really harming our students if we don't include it in our curriculum? Then I started to think about how school influenced my identity as a self-proclaimed "non-writer." In school, I could write papers in a matter of hours and be successful at it. But that's all I did. If school required it, then I could bring myself to throw something together. Imagine how much better my papers would have been 1) if I'd actually cared about what I had written about in those countless reflections and essays (this was not always the case, mind you, but 97% of the time, I simply completed an assignment because I needed to) and 2) if I'd practiced writing outside of these many, many papers. Hm ... Maybe then I wouldn't be so afraid of something as simple as blogging.

So what do I want my students to think of themselves when it comes to writing? Do I want them to think writing is simply something that they have to do in order to get through school and holds no important place outside that arena? Not really. That would make for a pretty crummy writing environment in my classroom. Sounds like time for some perspective changing!

The author of my textbook mentioned how the label of "writer" was similar to any identity label. If someone asked whether you were a "cook," your definition of what a cook is determines your answer. For me, I would not necessarily consider myself a good cook, but do I cook a lot? Yes. Do I enjoy cooking? Yes. Do I plan on trying to become a good cook? Yes. Hmmm ... so maybe I am a cook afterall. Just because Jamie Oliver could kick my chocolate-loving butt at cooking, does that mean I'm not a cook? Not really, right? Even if I'm a bad cook - the noun "cook" still describes me.

So what about writing? Why had I been so determined to not be labeled a writer? Why the anxiety that my blog was going to be insignificant and unworthy of reading? (Not that this might not ultimately happen, but still ...) Just because I might not be the best writer - I might even be a bad writer - does this mean I still can't label myself as a writer?

Well, maybe I can ... In fact, maybe I should if I want this "blogging thing" to work out. And this "teaching writing thing," for that matter. If I can call myself a writer, just as if I call my students writers, then as I would want them to feel confident and take chances, I might do the same. It's all a process. It takes practice. Just like I had to practice piano, or singing. Or how I'm trying to practice cooking.

So know that these posts are not going to be perfect. I certainly won't consider them as such, and I know you won't either. But I'm trying. It's all practice to get better. So maybe if you stick with me for a while, this silly blog might turn into something of better substance. :-) Let's hope so.

I'll finish with my favorite quote from my recent readings: "[I]f we engage in any activity over time, we develop an identity related to that, whether we label ourselves 'a cook' or 'a writer' or not."

So - to be or not to be a writer? Well, why not? Let's give it a shot ... here goes nothing.